Wanting was a kind of hunger. Hunger made you restless.
But we had rituals.
Every time a kid left with a suitcase—or, more often, with a trash bag knotted at the top—we’d stand side by side and do our stupid little exchange like it was a comedy routine.
“If you get adopted,” Noah would say, his tone deliberately casual, “I get your headphones.”
“If you get adopted,” I’d fire back, “I get your hoodie.”
Sometimes we’d smirk like it was nothing.
Sometimes my throat would sting afterward and I’d pretend I was getting over a cold.
Because under the joke lived the truth: we both knew no one was lining up for the quiet girl with “failed placement” stamped all over her file. No one was flocking to the boy in the chair, either—not because he wasn’t worth it, but because people liked their love uncomplicated.
So we clung to each other instead.
Not in a dramatic, desperate way. In the ordinary way that two kids, left too long in uncertainty, find something steady and build a small shelter out of it.
As we got older, Noah’s seriousness softened into something warmer. He was still observant, still sharp, but he started letting humor in—dry, sometimes unexpected, the kind that made you laugh after a half-second delay because you had to catch up.
He noticed things.
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