I stepped forward and put my arms around Logan before I’d entirely decided to. He went a little stiff at first, the way teenagers do when you hug them out of the blue. I held on anyway, just for a second longer than usual.
“He’s becoming the kind of young man you can rely on.”
Then Logan hugged me back. “Hey. It’s okay, Mom.”
I pulled back and looked at him. “I thought I was the one holding everything together, sweetie. I thought I was the only one keeping this family upright.”
Logan looked at me for a moment with an expression I hadn’t seen on him in a long time, something open, a little tired, and completely honest.
“No, Mom, we both are.”
“I thought I was the only one keeping this family upright.”
***
Later that evening, after Officer Benny was long gone and Andrew had fallen back asleep on the couch after his bowl of chicken nuggets and fries, I sat at the kitchen table and watched Logan rinse dishes at the sink.
He was humming something under his breath while he worked, low and easy, a song I half-recognized from somewhere I couldn’t place.
I sat very still, listening. It hit me then that I hadn’t heard Logan hum in over a year.
Somewhere in the noise, the exhaustion, and the worry, that small, ordinary thing had slipped away without me noticing. And now it was back, quiet and easy, like it had been waiting for the right moment to return.
I sat very still, listening.
I stayed at the table until the dishes were done, saying nothing.
After their dad passed away, there were nights I lay awake wondering how I was going to raise two boys on my own. Wondering if I was enough. If I were doing any of it right.
For so long, all I could see was what might go wrong. Who Logan might become if I failed him.
But I finally saw what had been right in front of me all along.
My boys were going to be just fine. More than fine.
They were going to make me proud.
For so long, all I could see was what might go wrong.
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